When to Move from Digital Communication to Live Conversation

Showing up as our authentic selves is an important way to build more genuine connections with the people we live with, work with, and interact with in general. When we communicate openly, we feel empowered to share our genuine thoughts, feelings, and opinions with the people in our lives, even when we disagree.

However, I’ve noticed that digital communications have a tendency to escalate everyday differences into all-out confrontations. In these situations, it’s often not the topic itself that causes issues — it’s the channel we use to communicate them.

By knowing when to move from digital to live conversation, we set ourselves on a path to more effective communication with the people who matter most to us, both personally and professionally.

The Digital Dilemma: Why is it so hard to quit?

Communicating over digital platforms like text, Facebook, email, Slack, X (formerly known as Twitter), and others can often exacerbate conflicts. Without the ability to communicate in real time, these platforms tend to prevent us from understanding one another, making it less likely for us to connect with empathy and more likely to escalate conflicts.

So why do we still resort to communicating through these digital channels, even when we know better?

The first reason is convenience. For many of us, electronic communication has become the primary mode of connection, both personally and professionally. We already spend most of our time on our phones, tablets, and computers, so it’s only natural that we feel inclined to use them to reach out to the people in our lives in more complicated moments.

Also, it can feel easier to share our honest feelings in writing. Over text, we can say what feels true to us without having to worry about literally facing the other person’s reaction.

Ultimately, electronic communication requires less courage than live conversations. When we text, email, or DM with someone, we can avoid our fears of rejection or getting hurt. Avoiding the live conversation feels “safer” — and it empowers us to say things we might otherwise withhold.

In spite of these perceived benefits, it’s important to remember that resolving conflicts, aligning with others, and building trust are actually much more difficult when we avoid communicating face-to-face. In fact, it’s usually much easier to find a positive resolution when we have live conversations. The fear may be real, but most often the “threat” is not.

5 Ways to Practice Better Communication

To enhance your communication skills and resolve conflicts more effectively, consider adopting the following strategies:

#1 — Be clear about your intentions

Before you reach out electronically, ask yourself, “What’s my intention?”

Be honest with yourself about how you feel, what you want, and why you feel inclined to avoid a face-to-face confrontation. Are you using digital communication to avoid dealing with the issue directly? This practice is especially useful when you’re dealing with an emotionally charged situation.

#2 — Think before you post

It’s okay to write out how you really feel — especially when you’re feeling stressed. However, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to immediately post or send everything.

Consider saving drafts and reviewing them after you’ve had a chance to think through how you’re truly feeling. I’ve done this many times, and often end up editing or simply deleting the message in favor of talking it through in a live conversation or letting it go completely.

#3 — Request a live conversation

Instead of engaging in lengthy digital exchanges, consider requesting a specific time to talk about the situation live — on the phone, via video, and in person if possible.

A great email response can simply be, “Thanks for your note, this seems like something that would be better to discuss live than by email. Let’s set up a time to talk later today or this week.”

#4 — Speak your truth

When it comes to live conversations, focus on being real, not right. You’re not trying to win an argument or place the blame on the other person — rather, you’re trying to let them know what’s on your mind.

To avoid playing the blame game, work on using “I statements” (I think, I feel, I notice, I want, etc.). Own your judgments and pay attention to whether you’re starting to blame the other person(s) involved. If so, acknowledge it, apologize for it, and get back to speaking your truth.

#5 — Reach out for support

When you’re dealing with an emotionally charged conflict, it’s best to reach out for support from other people you trust and respect. Don’t just reach out to someone who will tell you what you want to hear — find someone who’s capable of giving you their honest feedback.

A trusted friend can help you talk through ideas and process your difficult emotions. Always remember that you don’t have to go through anything alone.

Know when to move from digital communication to live conversation

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to live a conflict-free life. After all, conflicts are a natural part of life, work, and relationships, and they can be a productive way to challenge each other to learn and grow.

As we go through life, it’s helpful to learn how to engage in healthy and effective conflict resolution. While live conversations can be intimidating, it’s worth remembering that they’re still the best approach. When we’re willing to have live conversations, we can save ourselves from unnecessary stress and resolve issues much more efficiently and effectively.

What makes it challenging for you to have live conversations? How have you been able to resolve conflicts effectively by speaking directly about them with the people involved? Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions in the comments below.